testing_the_box | TEST DRIVE MEME

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TEST DRIVE MEME

Starting now, we'll put up a new one of these very month! Feel free to use the current setting of Pandora (Christmas in July) or make up your own! You can also use the following scenarios if you'd prefer:

1. Mushroom Kingdom

Have you ever wanted to be a fairy? Well now you are, even if the answer was no! The City is a big, big place, all of a sudden. Houses are roomy affairs inside giant mushrooms, there are colorful flowers everywhere you look, and the animals are always friendly! Unfortunately, the only food items being sold in the market this month are fruit, fruit, and.... more fruit.

2. School Town

You may be too old to attend the academy, but that doesn't seem to matter; your attendance is mandatory anyway. Or perhaps you're there to teach, because you're the only resident of Pandora that possesses a certain skill. It doesn't matter if it can't be learned; you have to come up with a lesson plan anyway. At least the uniforms aren't some god awful color, right?

3. Zombie Apocalypse.

There's no coming back from death in Pandora, so you'd better do all you can to survive. Three quarters of the city are already infected, and this is the last stand. Are you going to pool your resources and try to make it together, or is it time to stop trusting others and go it alone until the month is over?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

A magus versus a mere artist. The results of such a meeting would be clear. Especially if you provoked him.

What a tiresome woman you are. I'm now absolutely convinced that you're so overbred that you've lost the capacity to do such basic things as hear words and process them.

I've already told you I am a magus. Do you think that I, as a gifted prodigy who left the Mage's Association, was never threatened by another magus? That I haven't had to deal with attempts on my life?

I honestly couldn't be less interested in your husband, and I would rather go on living as if he doesn't exist, but if he does tell me not to do something, I have no intention of listening to him, or to anyone else.

You're the tiresome one!

[She should stomp off, but she refuses to let him have the last word!]

Oh, that was beautiful! A truly eloquent retort, madame!

I take it back. You're not simply overbred, you are instead the most inbred example of the aristocracy I have ever had the extreme displeasure of beholding.

[Good luck having a last word contest with Kayneth. He could keep this up all day, in the absence of the few people in his life who can get him to be quiet. He's really not in a good mood, and Sola-Ui's connection to the Association hasn't made it any better, not to mention the thought of another version of himself--that wounds his ego.]

Well, I would think you're more inbred than I am. After all, you're the one going bald!

[Yes, she went there.]

[Kayneth's eyes narrow. Well, he's not going to give in to such a petty insult.]

What a loyal wife, to speak of your husband so. [Because anything she says about his genes should be true of her husband's. Every minute he spends with her makes him more glad he's not married to her. ]

Baldness is not a result of inbreeding, I should inform you, and as a matter of fact, I have a naturally high hairline, which you should know, if you are married to me, as you claim. Even as a child, my hairline was high.

[Yes, he's sticking to his high hairline story.]

Some people find my hair quite attractive.

It was an arranged marriage. You were fortunate.

[Catch the implications there?]

Of course it was. I'm hardly surprised. The Archibald family must have the brats with the best pedigree!

I am fortunate, unlike your husband, as I can see what you think of him.

[He feels goaded, so he speaks a little more freely than he might otherwise.]

I am in a non-arranged and quite happy relationship, thankfully.

[If she talks about the man like this, their marriage must be miserable. He'd almost be sorry for him, if Kayneth were good at being sorry for people. As it is, he mainly feels vindicated and fortunate to have escaped a terrible, loveless marriage with this woman.]

...

[She stares at him incredulously. After a long while, a near-hysterical laugh tears its way out of her throat.]

I fail to see what's so amusing.

[He really does fail to see. This woman is definitely mad as well as an imbecile. Also, he's offended. What's so laughable about him being in a relationship?]

It's hardly unusual.

[Especially as he is a genius, and who wouldn't find him appealing?]

[She halts in her laughter long enough to give him an answer.]

It is when it comes to you!

You do realize I am not your husband, don't you? We're entirely different people. I am a renowned artist living in Paris, and there is no shortage of people who find me attractive.

Your attitude toward a man who you are supposed to love and support is quite frankly sickening.

[He may be a secret romantic. So he's offended by this!!!]

I'm pleased I was able to find a genuine person capable of human affection, unlike yourself.

I pity your partner then. They might be a genuine person capable of affection...but you are not.

Did I not tell you I'm not the man you know? I. Am. Not. Him.

[Are you a genuine idiot? Do you listen to nothing he says?]

I left that world behind me, those monsters incapable of human feeling. I have no idea what the man you know grew into, but I abhor that petty and shallow existence. It is anathema to me. I am a man of art, of passion.

[Ugh, now you've gone too far! So he's going to say something emotional he'll instantly regret!]

I love him very dearly, and I'll thank you not to impugn my relationship when you obviously know nothing about it.

...Him?

[He already regrets talking about his personal life, and he scowls, but he doesn't like to have his motivations--or anything that's important to him--called into question.]

Yes, that's right. I didn't stutter, did I?

You...um...prefer a man. To any woman.

It's called homosexuality, perhaps you've heard of it.

[He's embarrassed now, so he's going to be flippant, so no one will ever guess!

This is one of the worst conversations he has ever had.]

[You think it's bad for him? It's worse for her. The idea that she might have married a man who preferred the company of other men and even had children with him is too shocking. She pitches backwards in a sudden and very scandalized faint.]

[He keeps telling you he's not the same person! When will you listen, Sola-Ui?]

Oh my fucking god.

[What is he being forced to deal with? The woman fainted because he's gay. This is a first.

Kayneth is driven to profanities by this nonsense, but fortunately, there's no one else around to hear him. He's not about to leave a woman lying unconscious on the ground, even if he dislikes her intensely, so he kneels beside her, checking to see if she hurt herself as she fell, ready to heal her if need be, but nothing seems to be in need of healing.

Fortunately, he has his spelled water with him, as always, so he uses his magecraft to splash it in her face--being sure not to leave a drop behind as he returns it to its proper vial.]

Woman. Wake up.

[Sola-ui groans as well feels the cold water on her face.]

Kayneth...?

[She hopes that this is her Kayneth, and the other Kayneth had just been some sort of dream.]

Yes, it's Kayneth. But not your husband. The superior one.

[Sorry, Kayneth will not allow you to exist in your delusion.

He's still offended that you fainted.]

[There's only one thing she can do when she hears those words. And that's faint for the second time because she's so mortified over fainting in front of him.]

[Is this seriously happening to him? What kind of farce is this? He would just leave her out of sheer infuriation, but he's not a monster, so he stays by her side. People are starting to stare, but Kayneth waves and assures them that she's all right, and for some reason, they listen to him.]

You're proving all my statements about inbreeding, you know.

[But he says these rude words quietly. He rests a gloved hand against her cheek and gently pats it.

Now wake up again and stop your damn fainting. If you're worried that your husband is gay--which I don't see why you would care either way, as you obviously despise him--I can only tell you, yet again, that I am not the same person, as we are clearly from different universes, so I'm certain it's fine.

Either that, or I recommend a divorce.

[A pause.]

I recommend a divorce in either case.

[She wakes up, and this time, she actually listens.]

Yes, I can see that you and he are...very different. But I don't despise my husband.

[Only...harbors a lot of resentment over the arranged marriage and such.]

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