TEST DRIVE MEME

[behind_the_box]

Starting now, we'll put up a new one of these very month! Feel free to use the current setting of Pandora (Christmas in July) or make up your own! You can also use the following scenarios if you'd prefer:

1. Mushroom Kingdom

Have you ever wanted to be a fairy? Well now you are, even if the answer was no! The City is a big, big place, all of a sudden. Houses are roomy affairs inside giant mushrooms, there are colorful flowers everywhere you look, and the animals are always friendly! Unfortunately, the only food items being sold in the market this month are fruit, fruit, and.... more fruit.

2. School Town

You may be too old to attend the academy, but that doesn't seem to matter; your attendance is mandatory anyway. Or perhaps you're there to teach, because you're the only resident of Pandora that possesses a certain skill. It doesn't matter if it can't be learned; you have to come up with a lesson plan anyway. At least the uniforms aren't some god awful color, right?

3. Zombie Apocalypse.

There's no coming back from death in Pandora, so you'd better do all you can to survive. Three quarters of the city are already infected, and this is the last stand. Are you going to pool your resources and try to make it together, or is it time to stop trusting others and go it alone until the month is over?

Comments

[marriedthebloke]

[She halts in her laughter long enough to give him an answer.]

It is when it comes to you!

[tenured]

You do realize I am not your husband, don't you? We're entirely different people. I am a renowned artist living in Paris, and there is no shortage of people who find me attractive.

Your attitude toward a man who you are supposed to love and support is quite frankly sickening.

[He may be a secret romantic. So he's offended by this!!!]

I'm pleased I was able to find a genuine person capable of human affection, unlike yourself.

[marriedthebloke]

I pity your partner then. They might be a genuine person capable of affection...but you are not.

[tenured]

Did I not tell you I'm not the man you know? I. Am. Not. Him.

[Are you a genuine idiot? Do you listen to nothing he says?]

I left that world behind me, those monsters incapable of human feeling. I have no idea what the man you know grew into, but I abhor that petty and shallow existence. It is anathema to me. I am a man of art, of passion.

[Ugh, now you've gone too far! So he's going to say something emotional he'll instantly regret!]

I love him very dearly, and I'll thank you not to impugn my relationship when you obviously know nothing about it.

[marriedthebloke]

...Him?

[tenured]

[He already regrets talking about his personal life, and he scowls, but he doesn't like to have his motivations--or anything that's important to him--called into question.]

Yes, that's right. I didn't stutter, did I?

[marriedthebloke]

You...um...prefer a man. To any woman.

[tenured]

It's called homosexuality, perhaps you've heard of it.

[He's embarrassed now, so he's going to be flippant, so no one will ever guess!

This is one of the worst conversations he has ever had.]

[marriedthebloke]

[You think it's bad for him? It's worse for her. The idea that she might have married a man who preferred the company of other men and even had children with him is too shocking. She pitches backwards in a sudden and very scandalized faint.]

[tenured]

[He keeps telling you he's not the same person! When will you listen, Sola-Ui?]

Oh my fucking god.

[What is he being forced to deal with? The woman fainted because he's gay. This is a first.

Kayneth is driven to profanities by this nonsense, but fortunately, there's no one else around to hear him. He's not about to leave a woman lying unconscious on the ground, even if he dislikes her intensely, so he kneels beside her, checking to see if she hurt herself as she fell, ready to heal her if need be, but nothing seems to be in need of healing.

Fortunately, he has his spelled water with him, as always, so he uses his magecraft to splash it in her face--being sure not to leave a drop behind as he returns it to its proper vial.]

Woman. Wake up.

[marriedthebloke]

[Sola-ui groans as well feels the cold water on her face.]

Kayneth...?

[She hopes that this is her Kayneth, and the other Kayneth had just been some sort of dream.]

[tenured]

Yes, it's Kayneth. But not your husband. The superior one.

[Sorry, Kayneth will not allow you to exist in your delusion.

He's still offended that you fainted.]

[marriedthebloke]

[There's only one thing she can do when she hears those words. And that's faint for the second time because she's so mortified over fainting in front of him.]

[tenured]

[Is this seriously happening to him? What kind of farce is this? He would just leave her out of sheer infuriation, but he's not a monster, so he stays by her side. People are starting to stare, but Kayneth waves and assures them that she's all right, and for some reason, they listen to him.]

You're proving all my statements about inbreeding, you know.

[But he says these rude words quietly. He rests a gloved hand against her cheek and gently pats it.

Now wake up again and stop your damn fainting. If you're worried that your husband is gay--which I don't see why you would care either way, as you obviously despise him--I can only tell you, yet again, that I am not the same person, as we are clearly from different universes, so I'm certain it's fine.

Either that, or I recommend a divorce.

[A pause.]

I recommend a divorce in either case.

[marriedthebloke]

[She wakes up, and this time, she actually listens.]

Yes, I can see that you and he are...very different. But I don't despise my husband.

[Only...harbors a lot of resentment over the arranged marriage and such.]

[tenured]

[He draws his hand back.]

Oh yes, that was certainly the impression I received from your words. The very image of a loving couple.

[Can you feel the sarcasm?]

It's pathetic that you remain with someone you obviously regard with such contempt, but knowing what I already do of your common sense, I can't say I'm surprised.

[marriedthebloke]

It would be a scandal if we divorced. Isn't it common sense to avoid a scandal?

[tenured]

You're talking to a man who left the Mage's Association and scorned the Archibald family. Of course I don't give a damn about scandals.

It makes no sense whatsoever to make yourself miserable for the sake of other people's tired notions of how you're supposed to behave.

[marriedthebloke]

It's my duty. I can't just refuse to be a magus.

[tenured]

Duty.

[Duty is for losers.]

You could refuse them. I refused. It doesn't make me any less of a magus. [At least, according to him.] But I'm only advising you get a divorce. It's a fairly common practice in civilized societies. Even the monarchy does it these days.

[marriedthebloke]

I don't think you understand. I'm nothing without my family.

[It's true. The only way she could be human, or even be useful, is as a wife and a mother. Since she was raised as magus nobility, she has few life skills that would allow her to get a job in the outside world. As well, the fact that she had no crest means she's a rather half-assed magus.]

[tenured]

I understand perfectly. You're content to live your life as a broodmare, unwilling to take any risk to assert your independence. With such a pathetic mindset, no wonder you're trapped and miserable. You've clearly never even tried.

[Kayneth has little patience for this kind of thinking. But, he's trying to be nice! Maybe...]

Take the child--or children--then, if you're so set on a family.

[marriedthebloke]

I-I don't know if I can do that. Kayneth tries to love all of us. I know he does. And Diarmuid is very attached to his father...

[Even if Kayneth was always disappointed.]

[tenured]

Make up your mind. You said he wasn't capable of affection. You said a number of uncharitable things about him that make me wonder why you'd decide to stay with him. Perhaps your viewpoint simply can't be trusted.

[Diarmuid is only a name, so he doesn't think much of it; it's a coincidence. He also makes it a rule to avoid asking about others' children, in most cases. What a terrible subject of conversation. He also hates talking about others' spouses and relationships, so this is paining him greatly. He does like talking about himself, but not like this.]

Do you know how wretched you sound? Do you want to leave, or don't you?

[Kayneth may need sensitivity training, but he's very cross right now.]

[marriedthebloke]

I've told you several times! I can't leave. This has nothing to do with my desires!

[Between the aforementioned lack of life skills and a sort of complex, Stockholm-esque love, she really was stuck.]