TEST DRIVE MEME

[behind_the_box]

Starting now, we'll put up a new one of these very month! Feel free to use the current setting of Pandora (Christmas in July) or make up your own! You can also use the following scenarios if you'd prefer:

1. Mushroom Kingdom

Have you ever wanted to be a fairy? Well now you are, even if the answer was no! The City is a big, big place, all of a sudden. Houses are roomy affairs inside giant mushrooms, there are colorful flowers everywhere you look, and the animals are always friendly! Unfortunately, the only food items being sold in the market this month are fruit, fruit, and.... more fruit.

2. School Town

You may be too old to attend the academy, but that doesn't seem to matter; your attendance is mandatory anyway. Or perhaps you're there to teach, because you're the only resident of Pandora that possesses a certain skill. It doesn't matter if it can't be learned; you have to come up with a lesson plan anyway. At least the uniforms aren't some god awful color, right?

3. Zombie Apocalypse.

There's no coming back from death in Pandora, so you'd better do all you can to survive. Three quarters of the city are already infected, and this is the last stand. Are you going to pool your resources and try to make it together, or is it time to stop trusting others and go it alone until the month is over?

Comments

Shinji Matou | Fate/Extra (AU) | Mushroom Kingdom

[gamechamp]

OOC Note: Hover over this text for a summary of his AU!

[This place is really weird.]

[This is not an uncommon thought for Shinji to have. However, he thinks it more vehemently today, and with both more exasperation and dread. Some of the changes he has been able to deal with. This fairy bullshit, on the other hand, is just nonsense, and he wants nothing to do with it. Seeing as he isn't being given a choice in the matter, though, he makes his way to the food market with only a moderate amount of grumbling.]

[The selection of fruit is vast, probably more so than any he's seen in his life. Some are common, some are exotic, and some are strange and brightly colored in a way that doesn't seem entirely natural, at least not for anything that would grow on Earth. There's even one variety that seems to be spotted with bright pink hearts, which he immediately decides he should stay away from, all things considered.]

[But— Endless variety or not, there's literally nothing but fruit. Not even a package of cup noodles.]

[His sigh is great and put upon as he tosses the orange in his hand over his shoulder.]

[tenured]

[Kayneth hates this place, every incarnation of it.

He doesn't like it any better now that it's fairyland. Because now he has to deal with a pair of beautiful, golden, gossamer wings. They are quite visually appealing (if not exactly his preferred aesthetic), but they are utterly useless and invariably in his way. No, he can't fly. He can't even wear his proper clothes without cutting holes in them, because he has these damned wings sprouting from his back.

They've gotten caught on something again--this time one of the more whimsically rough-hewn market stalls--and he's busy trying to extricate himself without causing himself too much pain (he's so fortunate his pointless wings also have nerves in them), when suddenly, an orange hits him in the head.

The fruit bounces off his head and falls to earth, and he stares at it for a moment before looking up at the one responsible for throwing it with a glare.]

Thank you for that infantile display. It's so delightful to see proof that no matter what is done to us, human idiocy will never be defeated.

[gamechamp]

[Some people would apologize for hitting another person in the head with an orange, because, hey, he really hadn't been paying attention when he chucked it. His bad, honestly.]

[Some people aren't Shinji, because he's irritable and not in the mood to have his decisions questioned and also, it had been oddly cathartic.]

Hey, no problem! You ought to try it sometime. Maybe it'll do something about that stick lodged up your ass!

[Besides, Kayneth started it.]

[tenured]

Oh, do you mean I should enter a place of business and begin throwing merchandise I haven't paid for in a fit of pique at other customers? I fail to see how that has anything to do with being carefree. Quite the contrary, I should say. Fortunately, I am not a petulant child, and I've learned how to behave myself in public.

[This is arguable. Also, dammit, his wing hurts, but he's trying his best to look unruffled.]

[gamechamp]

Settle down, pops. [He shoves his hands in his pockets and leans back on a heel.] It's not like I was aiming for you.

[Because, honestly, if he had been, he probably wouldn't have managed such a tidy headshot.]

[tenured]

That's Professor Archibald.

Yet I didn't hear an apology.

[Young people today, with their fruit-throwing and their bad manners!]

[gamechamp]

I'd say sorry, but I think your attitude makes us even. [He punctuates this statement with a short, deliberate pause.] Pops.

[But really, he just...has problems with adults who throw their titles around like that.]

[tenured]

[He deserves respect for all his hard work and dedication to his craft!] My attitude is faultless.

I should think anyone would be cross after being hit in the head by an orange.

[Ugh, he's so tired of this wing--he manages to free it with a tug and does his best not to wince.]

I don't consider us even at all, child.

[Yeah, he's great with comebacks.]

[gamechamp]

Yeah, and I'm sure you have tons of friends to prove it.

[Shinji rolls his eyes. Being called child just makes him more certain that this guy's the exact kind of 25+ he hates, which makes him even less pliant than he might otherwise be.]

Sounds like a personal problem to me! [The smile that crosses his face is something like the beginning of a grin.] The way I see it, you walk out of here with a lump on your head, and I walk out with a headache. Seems about equal to me.

[tenured]

I hardly see how my personal life is relevant, but yes.

[He has more acquaintances and colleagues than friends, but he thinks he has plenty. To Kayneth, a few friends counts as a lot, since he's never had very many. He doesn't like most people much.

His head isn't hurting anymore, he's just in a bad mood.]

That's your idea of a fair trade? Remind me not to engage in any further commerce with you. We could have dispensed with headaches entirely, but I do hope you've suffered somewhat.

[He doesn't wish Shinji any harm, in spite of his words. He's used to obnoxious children, but he nonetheless picks up the orange pointedly, dusts it off, and sets it where it belongs. Or where he thinks it belongs. To prove a point! Actually, he wants to throw some fruit himself, but now he's built himself up as mature, so he's backed into a corner.]

As if I didn't have enough to worry about after being kidnapped by lunatics, now I will simply have to watch out for children hurling fruit. I'll be sure to put up a ward.

[He really should just surround himself with protective measures at all times. Someone is going to kill him sooner or later, he's sure of it.]

[gamechamp]

[Okay, but being called a child is starting to get to him. As far as he's concerned, the differences in their ages don't matter. He's been out in the desert fighting oppressive plutocrats for like half his life, you know!]

You know, maybe you should lay off on calling other people children. If you're going to go around stamping your feet and throwing around that you're a professor like that means anything, you'll just be leaving yourself wide open. Consider it a point of friendly advice.

[tenured]

I'm calling you a child as a result of your behavior. If you weren't throwing fruits and insults and failing to apologize, then I would not.

[Probably. Although, to be fair to Kayneth, he wouldn't hesitate to call a man of 90 years a child if he felt it were warranted.]

As a point of friendly advice, people tend to judge one on one's actions. Shocking, I know.

[gamechamp]

Says the one demanding to be called professor while he does nothing but piss and moan.

[EVERYONE INVOLVED IS A HYPOCRITE. CONGRATULATIONS.]

[tenured]

My students respect me as a professor because of my contributions to the field. I was merely correcting your disrespectful address.

[IT'S ALL TRUE. HYPOCRISY ABOUNDS.]

Pardon me for objecting to being assailed with fruit and petty jibes.

[He's going to keep making the fruit assault sound worse. Plus, he really didn't like being called pops. He's only in his 30s!!]

[mostempressive]

For once I find myself in agreement with you, boy.

[Where did Nero come from? Well, it matters not. The important thing is that she stands behind him and slightly to his left, her sigh every bit as put-upon as his and twice as great.]

The fare they have to offer in this month is found quite lacking.

[gamechamp]

Hey, don't act so surprised. [Maybe he never precisely got along with Hakuno's Servant, but he likes to think he earned his keep way back when. Not that she saw that for herself.] I'm pretty sure anyone with any appreciation for food, or tastebuds, could see the problem here.

[mostempressive]

[He can't earn her praise through events she did not see with her own eyes! Or simply stated, Saber is impressed with how well the boy has grown but won't tell him so because he makes her feel cranky.]

And yet nothing is done to solve it! I find it extremely vexing!

[WHERE'S THE MEAT? THE LACK OF MEAT ALSO MAKES HER FEEL CRANKY.]

[gamechamp]

Well, you can't always expect other people to solve your problems for you. Maybe you should file a complaint.

[He doubts this will accomplish much of anything, but nonetheless.]

[mostempressive]

I have already done so twice. I suspect this poor excuse of a government simply ignores all complaints and suggestions. That's tyranny!

[gamechamp]

[...

The expression Shinji makes in reply to that can be best described as "badpokerface.png".]

Are you sure you want to leave yourself open like that?

[mostempressive]

Hoh? Were you not just suggesting I do that very thing?

[Make up your mind, kid!]

[gamechamp]

[Welp. He's just...going to hold both his hands in front of himself, palms out and fingers spread.]

Forget it. I think we're on two slightly different wavelengths here.

[Say what you will about Shinji, but he knows enough not to make a tyranny crack at Nero himself. Laughing when other people do it, on the other hand...]

[mostempressive]

Then I shall forgive you for misunderstanding my words; such is the Emperor's generosity.

[Because obviously, it's his fault.]

[gamechamp]

Oh, of course. How can I ever thank you enough?

[Sounding a little dry? Never.]

[mostempressive]

You can find me something suitable to eat.

[Yes, she did decide he just volunteered. Why acknowledge sarcasm when one can get offerings instead?]