TEST DRIVE MEME

[behind_the_box]

Starting now, we'll put up a new one of these very month! Feel free to use the current setting of Pandora (Christmas in July) or make up your own! You can also use the following scenarios if you'd prefer:

1. Mushroom Kingdom

Have you ever wanted to be a fairy? Well now you are, even if the answer was no! The City is a big, big place, all of a sudden. Houses are roomy affairs inside giant mushrooms, there are colorful flowers everywhere you look, and the animals are always friendly! Unfortunately, the only food items being sold in the market this month are fruit, fruit, and.... more fruit.

2. School Town

You may be too old to attend the academy, but that doesn't seem to matter; your attendance is mandatory anyway. Or perhaps you're there to teach, because you're the only resident of Pandora that possesses a certain skill. It doesn't matter if it can't be learned; you have to come up with a lesson plan anyway. At least the uniforms aren't some god awful color, right?

3. Zombie Apocalypse.

There's no coming back from death in Pandora, so you'd better do all you can to survive. Three quarters of the city are already infected, and this is the last stand. Are you going to pool your resources and try to make it together, or is it time to stop trusting others and go it alone until the month is over?

Comments

[tenured]

My wife?

[Excuse him while he laughs incredulously at this. Is this woman mad? Or is this yet another bizarre aspect of this place? He truly hopes he's not going to be assigned a spouse on top of everything else. That's the last thing he wants.]

You're sorely mistaken, madame. I have never had and never will have a wife.

[You can't tie Kayneth down! (Actually, that's not true at all, but he sometimes likes to pretend that it is.)]

[marriedthebloke]

I believe you are the one mistaken, Kayneth Archibald El Melloi! Has this change to the world done something to your head?

[tenured]

My head is perfectly fine, although I cannot speak for yours.

[El-Melloi? How does she know that name? Just the sound of it puts him on edge and makes his mood worse than it was already.]

My name is Kayneth Archibald, of Paris, Professor of Sculpture at L'École des Beaux-Arts. I fear you must have confused me with someone who would actually marry you.

[marriedthebloke]

A human art school? What were you doing there abasing yourself by engaging in such lowly entertainments?

[She slowly shakes her head.]

Perhaps you are right. A lowly professor such as yourself would never have the chance to marry a noblewoman.

[tenured]

Lowly? Lowly? [Philistine alert. Kayneth's least favorite kind of person.] There is no higher calling, no greater mistress, than Art. Art enriches humanity. It adds both meaning and beauty to life. As anyone capable of higher reasoning would no doubt realize.

I certainly have no desire to do something so absurd and degrading as marry a noblewoman. Spare me from antiquated, outdated social constructs.

[Thank god he'd left all that behind him.]

A professor I may be, but more than that I am an artist.

[marriedthebloke]

[She stares at him incredulously for a second, shocked by the blasphemous words that would surely have past generations of Archibalds and Nuadha-re Sophia-ris rolling over in their graves.]

And what of magecraft, Kayneth? What or your title and your duty? You are a fool to give that up for mere doodles.

[tenured]

Mere doodles? [She's the one who's being blasphemous, not him.] As I can see you didn't listen to a word I said, I am a sculptor. My works are lofty and magnificent and can in no way be described as mere anything.

As for magecraft--

[He doesn't like to speak of it, but since she apparently knows about it--and him--already, he'll make an exception.]

It's true that I am a magus of extraordinary talent, but I have no desire to have anything more to do with the Association and their asinine politics. They never understood my vision. They were always far too limited for me.

[Because he's so much better than they are.]

[marriedthebloke]

...You shame the name you lay claim to.

[Surely Kayneth would never say such things. Magecraft was a part of him. He would never be anything other than a magus.]

[tenured]

Correction: my family never deserved me. Their great shame is their failure to recognize my genius.

[Magecraft is certainly a part of him, but he won't allow the Association to limit him. He won't be some pathetic pawn, playing their idiotic games.]

[marriedthebloke]

Seeing how you gave up magecraft to pursue something so mundane is proof enough that while you might share my husband's face and name, you don't share his genius. You would do well to be less arrogant, as pride is reserved for those who deserve to have it.

[tenured]

I didn't give it up. I abandoned the pathetic strictures that would dictate how I used it, as any free-thinking, intelligent man would.

I'm pleased his face and name are all I share. He sounds like a slavish imbecile. I pity him, and you. I'm fortunate not to be saddled with a miserable woman who doesn't understand the meaning of the words genius and art. My genius is better, brighter, and thoroughly mine.

It's not arrogance if it's entirely warranted.

[Which is just what an arrogant person would say.]

[marriedthebloke]

...You sound like Waver.

[And like with Waver, she feels bitter and jealous. Kayneth and Waver could walk away from their lives as magi. But Sola-ui had no such option.]

[tenured]

I have no idea who this Waver is, but I'm pleased there's someone else who has the good sense to think as I do.

[It's true that Kayneth could walk away, but it put him in danger of being murdered for the rest of his life--he's feeling a little paranoid about that now, in fact.]

[marriedthebloke]

...She's my daughter.

[Well, technically she wasn't, but details.]

And you won't go near her if you know what's good for you.

[tenured]

Then I assume that would mean--

[If this is supposed to be his wife, then her daughter would be... but he can't go there. He has no children.]

Oh, now you are instructing me? You have no authority over me. I barely know who you are, and I will do as I like, thank you very much.

[He wasn't really even interested in Waver, but now he's going to be contrary.]

[marriedthebloke]

My husband is the other Kayneth here. He will know if you have been speaking to her. And he will not be pleased.

[tenured]

[So, he's actually here. He'd guessed as much from what she'd said, but hearing it confirmed is odd... another him. One who's married, and with the Mage's Association. How surreal. And how annoying.]

I could care less about what an inferior imitation of me thinks.

[You're just making it more likely that he's going to talk to Waver, Sola-Ui.]

As I so recently said, I will do as I like. I'm not beholden to anyone here.

[marriedthebloke]

You are a member of the Archibald house. You will answer to the head, who happens to be my husband.

[tenured]

Are you genuinely lacking in mental faculties? How can I make this any clearer?

[Kayneth clears his throat.]

I am not a member of the Archibald house. I left my family. I haven't had anything to do with them in years, nor they with me. I in no way recognize their authority. The head of the house is the last person on earth I would listen to.

In fact, it's very likely that I would deliberately go out of my way to spite him.

[marriedthebloke]

...I won't come to your funeral.

[tenured]

Ah, so you're delusional as well, making plans for nonexistent events. I'm pleased to hear it. It only cements my belief that I made the best possible choices in life.

[marriedthebloke]

A magus versus a mere artist. The results of such a meeting would be clear. Especially if you provoked him.

[tenured]

What a tiresome woman you are. I'm now absolutely convinced that you're so overbred that you've lost the capacity to do such basic things as hear words and process them.

I've already told you I am a magus. Do you think that I, as a gifted prodigy who left the Mage's Association, was never threatened by another magus? That I haven't had to deal with attempts on my life?

I honestly couldn't be less interested in your husband, and I would rather go on living as if he doesn't exist, but if he does tell me not to do something, I have no intention of listening to him, or to anyone else.

[marriedthebloke]

You're the tiresome one!

[She should stomp off, but she refuses to let him have the last word!]

[tenured]

Oh, that was beautiful! A truly eloquent retort, madame!

I take it back. You're not simply overbred, you are instead the most inbred example of the aristocracy I have ever had the extreme displeasure of beholding.

[Good luck having a last word contest with Kayneth. He could keep this up all day, in the absence of the few people in his life who can get him to be quiet. He's really not in a good mood, and Sola-Ui's connection to the Association hasn't made it any better, not to mention the thought of another version of himself--that wounds his ego.]